When walking around campus, everybody loves a cheeky gossip with friends, a post-night-out debrief or a funny ‘hot take’. However, be aware of your surroundings as you never know who could be tuning in.

Over the past week, I’ve been keeping my ears open around campus listening out for the unfiltered realities of university life beyond the lectures and reading.

Queuing Fiasco

It was 10am on Thursday morning, post-Octoberfest socials, and the YOLO queue had struck again. The aftermath was already unfolding for one unfortunate student as he explained his night.

“So, I’m standing in the queue with my society, chatting to this girl, when suddenly I feel this spray splashing up my leg.

I look down and realise she’s peeing, standing up, and didn’t even bother to crouch. Naturally, I ask her what she’s doing, and she calls the bouncer on me!

He immediately let her into YOLO and after an hour queuing, I got sent home. I walked home genuinely tearing up.”

“Aw mate, how do you feel now?”

“Well it’s a bit peak, because my mate got into YOLO with her and apparently, they hit it off!”

Moral of the story? Never underestimate the quarrels of the YOLO queue, and perhaps reconsider your romance strategies if you go for someone who’s christened your friend’s leg!

Pear Shaped

I was sitting in Bute, when I overheard how one student’s afternoon appeared to have taken an unexpected turn after an innocent trip to Lidl.

“My mates went to Lidl before the lecture and bought these crazy-looking pears, so we thought it would be cool to try these. Now I don’t really ever eat pears, nevertheless, I have one, go to my lecture, and chill in the CSL.

Then I start developing a sweat, my throat’s sore and I’m feeling sick. I was thinking right, I’ve got to go. I have to frantically climb over five unimpressed people, run out the back of the lecture theatre and out to the toilets where the pear came right back up.”

“Well on the bright side at least you made it to the loos.”

“I mean hardly, I had to do a clean-up job, take myself home and sit in a dark room.”

Take aways from this? Leave the crazy produce until after class and no one’s judging you for leaving a lecture, except maybe the five people you climbed over…

Hips Don't Lie

Whilst waiting in the queue for Gregg’s, I overheard two girls discussing how their housemate’s unfortunate dance floor disaster sabotaged a blossoming new friendship before it even began.

“So [blank] and I were in YOLO last night, and we’d tried mingling with new people at our social and befriended this super sweet girl. The three of us were dancing together when The Macarena came on.

[Blank] gets so into the boogie and hip-bounces me with such force that I fall to the ground.”

“Now it was a harmless mistake, so I thought it would be funny to make him feel a bit guilty. Our new friend however, thought it was a pre-meditated attack and completely shunned him for his scandalous behaviour, leaving him embarrassed and defeated!”

Lessons from this? Beware of the power of The Macarena.

What begins as a harmless dance could end friendships! From a pear-induced catastrophe to YOLO dramas, there’s a glimpse into campus’ untold stories.

As you can see, between deadlines and dissertations, there’s plenty of room for a laugh with your friends.

However, next time you’re dropping a crazy story, perhaps look around first, or you might become someone’s BNOC.